Getting psychologically stuck happens to most of us more than once in our lifetime. We can become emotionally stuck in life relating to many incidents and life situations including our career, relationships, retirement, traumatic events, healing and many more life events. Often life presents us with situations we are unhappy with, that we don’t know how to change (e.g. stuck in a career or relationship we no longer want to be in) or can’t change (e.g. infertility, or a disabled child). It can feel like we are emotionally stuck, and that we don’t have a clear plan of action or path to follow. Or maybe we are clear on what needs to be done, but we lack the confidence to proceed due to feeling intimidated, overwhelmed and confused. We may feel depressed believing that we are useless and powerless to make any changes. Being psychologically stuck can feel scary, particularly being fearful of the unknown; which often, in reality is not as scary as imagined.
Our natural reaction to an unwanted situation or direction in our lives is to push and fight against it. However if the situation is unchangeable any fighting is futile. If change is possible, we sometimes continue to use the wrong strategies, actions and behaviours in an effort to make those changes. It is only when we stop battling against the situation and accept our circumstances that we can see the best way to cope with the situation. Part of the struggle may be, that the situation presenting itself clashes with our personal beliefs. Psychological studies have shown that we unconsciously find ways to support our existing beliefs; which may result in unclear thinking and poor decision making, particularly when we are experiencing an emotionally difficult situation.
Getting psychologically stuck can be seen as an indication that we need to change how we approach something, which often leads to personal growth. Before this can happen we need to realise that we are in fact psychologically stuck, this realisation is normally a slow process. Indications of being psychologically stuck are feeling of frustration, low mood or depression, lack of motivation, often accompanied by feelings of failure and self-blame and actually feeling emotionally stuck. Self-doubt can become very dominant creating feelings of shame and guilt. From our awareness that we are psychologically stuck can come the knowledge that we need to take a different approach; we can become open to new ways of thinking, new beliefs, new strategies, alternative behaviour and new opportunities. Through this process we can often gain a better understanding of ourselves. The final task is taking the appropriate actions to become unstuck. Individuals can find any point of this process difficult, different people struggle with different stages. What is important to remember is that becoming unstuck is a very realistic possibility. However, although many people do achieve the freedom of moving on from their stuck position, some do stay stuck.
By Mia Ford, honorary psychology assistant
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-chane/201009/feeling-stuck-how-get-free
www.hbswk.hbs.edu/itme/5548.html
